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V3nusFlytrap
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Name: Isabel
Gender: Female


Interests: Besides my extreme addiction to Scrabble I'm a mind-numbingly bland person. I enjoy slow sarcastic wit and droning senses of humor. I somewhat possess these characteristics so people sometimes have trouble deciphering whether or not I am being serious. I love the arts. You can often find me in a museum, the art section of a book store, or simply staring at things and people out of admiration. I enjoy good flicks and fresh beats. I'm a health nut wannabe and compulsive liar..
Expertise: hugging turns and steering wheels
Occupation: writer of books, grower of tre
Industry: art and farming


Message: message me
AIM: Laffmouth


Member Since: 2/17/2008

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Lacuna Inc.
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Monday, October 05, 2009

Do you have more friends of the same sex or the opposite sex?

Opposite.

Top Ten Reasons I Prefer Guy Friends

1. They are straight to the point and logical. I'm a girl. My text messages are ten pages long and I cry all day. They help me just get to the conclusion and solution. And then I'm like, "Oh."

2. They talk less shit. I feel better confiding in a guy than a girl because guys probably think my shit is too stupid to share.

3. They talk less in general. For me, girls get annoying quick.

4. They'll listen and you don't even have to say a word. (If in doubt, titty out.)

5. They're lewd. I have more fun talking to my guys friends than girls because they're jokes are just as dirty.

6. They give really good hugs. However, this is probably because I have really good tits.

7. They just have more interests in common with me. I'd rather watch UFC than reality TV.

8. They're less materialistic. I'll admit I love to get dolled up and glizty too, but sometimes it's scary the extent girls take it to.

9. They naturally brutally honest. Girls don't tell girl friends they're fat, though sometimes they should.

10. They read my blog. Based on the comments, males love Isabel. Females just visit.


I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!
Random Tidbit of  Her Brain

I love watching stand up comedy.


Thursday, October 01, 2009

I Hope You're Wearing Underwear

Yesterday I found myself at the local Wal-Mart. I don't know why I continue going here. Every time I leave, I'm annoyed.

I've noticed my Asians are fucking rude about saying "Excuse me." There was a woman stopped mid-aisle (her cart was horizontal to the aisle) and made me go around her. I've also experienced where I'm looking at ketchups or something (making sure I'm not taking up more space than I need to be, because I don't want to be that Asian) and the bitches just walk in front of me. I don't know how things operate in Vietnam. But here, we say "Excuse me."

Once I was getting in line at the check out counter. 20 items or less. I had about three or four. This guy comes from a different 20 items or less line and cuts me off. I talk out loud "to myself", "Really? Really?" After squeezing himself in front of me and hearing my passive agressive comment, he turns around and says, "Oh ma'am, you have less items than me. You can go first." I reply in my most snarky voice, "Thanks. How so very generous of you."

Last night I saw a very pregnant lady who wore a dress that hung off her belly and hung mid thigh. If the wind blew proper, her implanted wire-haired baby holder would've been exposed. I hope you're wearing underwear. Your baby might fall out."

I love Target though. Great ambience.

Random Tidbit of Her Brain

My boyfriend won't let me shower with him.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Do the Math, Isabel

As you know, math is not my forte. Thusly, I am in a remedial math class. This makes me oh so very angry. I know I'm not good at math, but this is my second remedial math class and I still feel, like my last math class, I won't be learning anything new. I was placed in this class by an electronic test that I can't for the life of me pass. I would retake it over and over, but losing ten dollars each time to take the test isn't what I want to do.

This post isn't about math though. It's about the girl who sits next to me in math.

She is a very tiny girl who has to worse morning breath ever (only assuming this is morning breath.) However, considering I don't see her in the afternoon or evening, it could very well be her all day breath. Also she makes weird noises. Like when the teacher asks the class for feedback, she's not saying the answer, she hums or chirps or something. This annoys me, probably as much as her all day breath annoys me. She also has a weird look, like a miniature Asian Jay Leno. Her parents may be related.

Now you're saying, "Isabel, you're being a mean cunt right now. You're probably going to have a miniature Asian Jay Leno baby because you're just so mean!" And I agree, I'm not nice. But I also disagree. Yes, my kid will be Asian, but my kid will also be beautiful.

I think the impatience is spawning from the lack of oxygen I've had for the last two hours. I don't let myself breathe. Every so often I purposely drop my pencil to lean over for fresh ground air.

I heard or read once that if someone you know has bad breath, you should let them know because they've probably gotten used to the funk and can't tell. Can you imagine the hilarity of the situation if I leaned over back and told someone whom I never talk to that their breath was funk?? FUN-NY!

I'll keep you posted.


Random Tidbit of Her Brain

I used to have this friend who was very into his religion, but also didn't think before he spoke. He'd start saying something sinful like, "I want to fuck you like an animal" but then change his words to "Let's play chess."

Is it not still sinful to think dirty thoughts? If you are telling yourself to not think dirty thoughts, aren't you still thinking a dirty thought.

 

 

Isabel does math just fine.


Isabel, the Sex Worker

Before my boyfriend officially departed for Dallas I dressed up for him in this hot pick corset. That was the first and last of its use. I stowed it away in a giant tote that I use for travelling. In early August I took a trip to Austin with school. So to steer clear of awkward moments with the roomies, I stowed to corset away in my closet.

I'm, as we speak, cleaning out my closet...where no hot pink corset is to be found. My younger sister frequents my closet when she's run out of clean clothes. Could she have found it and taken it as a sick joke to make me sweat?

Let me look again. Maybe I'll find it.



[EDIT12:36 AM] Oh thank you sex gods. Y'all do look out for me! I found it!


Thursday, September 17, 2009

           (click me)


           I'm really fucking busy. I would list all things going on right now, but it would just be extra information you really don't care to know (and when I say "you" I mean my awesome readership of ten people). Despite the hecticness of everything, I'm bored and unentertained. 
           I can't force myself to pay attention in class. The lines on the street blur. The air is still. Food all tastes the same. This is a smut rut. It's hurricane season, come shake me up!
           Anyway, I don't know where this post is going. Frankly it might just to be to complain that I'm bored. But maybe...maybe the project I've been approached with will mix things up.
           As we all know, ("we" meaning my awesome readership of ten people), I am a self-proclaimed bomb-ass mother fucking artist. Well I posted some old stuff I did in high school on my Facebook and got some feedback. Well a pair of people offered to pay me to do a portait of them. I am so honored. I have yet to respond to them, but I think I might actually go through with this. My only concern is finding the time. Maybe I should drop out of school.


Random Tidbit of Her Brain

My earlobes need sucking.





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